Man, this hits home. I used to be this so much. It took me losing my job from burnout before I made a change. I hope your journey has less bumps, but even if it does, keep your head up and keep walking, you'll find the path, believe it.
I find myself walking down Main Street. There's a feeling of celerity propelling me towards a matter of trivial importance. I always feel like I'm running late. Like a white rabbit nervously glancing at the time. It's not the deadlines at work that have me worried. I don't have any appointments or lunch dates in my calendar. I feel like the metronome that I march to exists only in my mind.
I am approaching the middle of my life but this is hardly a crisis. It's more like unfinished business. Like waking up before the dream ends. I have surrounded myself with unfinished projects. Discarded dreams. Futures left unrealised. My home is a multiverse of threads that were never pulled. I notice them as I walk past, regarding them with the same enthusiasm I would afford an old acquaintance. A slight nod, maybe a wave, a brief exchange and I'm on my way to my next date with destiny. No doubt I will stand her up once again.
It's not like I've never seen anything through to the end. I have achieved so many great things in my life. But it always seems like it's never enough. Like I was on the right trajectory but I never followed it all the way to the zenith. Maybe it's just me. Or maybe it's all these damned billboards on Main Street. I find myself attracted to these neon lights. I stare at my screens in an attempt to photosynthesize and grow larger. I hope to reach the canopy someday.
The Midnight is peaceful and inviting. I've been listening to others tell stories for hours while sipping my whisky. I don't recognise their faces and I'm not familiar with this part of town. All I know is that it feels like an eddy in a swift current. A place where I can stop and gather my thoughts. There's no clock on the wall here. No last calls. No push notifications. Maybe I have some time to work on that thing I always wanted to get good at? The Midnight is dimly lit but I can see clearer here. The overexposure has made me photosensitive.
Man, this hits home. I used to be this so much. It took me losing my job from burnout before I made a change. I hope your journey has less bumps, but even if it does, keep your head up and keep walking, you'll find the path, believe it.
Howdy ~eskimonk, good to see you here!
... No last calls.
That completely evaded my attention, because it's so normal at this place, lol!
~bartender? Whatever the stranger fancies, and a stout for me, please! Thanks!
But it always seems like it's never enough.
Well, there's the thing: any time I decide to go to the Midnight, I will not go to a countable but infinite number of other places. That is normal. That is normal in quantum physics, too (find the particle at location X it's probability to find it elsewhere vanishes). And yet advertisement tries to convince me, that I miss out on whatever it is that they try to convince me of. :-) Yes, of course I miss out! I miss out on loads of boring stuff, and a few interesting ones too. All the time. Yet I'm quite content to sip on that nice stout and have a conversation with ~eskimonk and miss out on the rest of the world.
What I'm trying to say is probably "the journey is the interesting part, not the arrival".
Cheers, mate! May the goddesses of unlimited options be merciful on us.