At last the, boredom I was longing for
I got COVID, which meant isolation from my SO (we are not married and she stays at my place most of the time but doesn't live here), and a few days off work.
After enduring the difficult days of the virus in my body, I got the a point in which the current symptoms and bearable enough to be focusing on doing something else. I'd been playing the newest Pokemon Scarlet because I had the time now and to distract me from the uncomfortableness of the fever and aches of the first days.
While I enjoyed playing it, and watching TV, yesterday I reached to a point in which I felt the "Now what?" moment, that feeling that instantly reminded me of my days back when I was a kid, and the school season was over, and I'd probably finished some game and felt "bored".
Bored enough to explore and try other activities, to learn something new, to tidy up my room while listening to my custom CD or the radio, to start that puzzle that I was given on birthday a year ago, etc.
Oh it was a nice feeling, I realized how wired I was on my life. I'm probably a workaholic, so relating to work, I'd either be thinking about a solution from some problem I came across, looking at other teams code bases to learn something new, feeling anxious about the stories of the current sprint.
On weekends and some weekday evenings, I'd be on some social activity from my SO side. Either friends or family.
Other times I'd be obsessed with something new, and would be reading everything about it. Pokemon TCG, mechanical keyboards, my computer setup, home decor, etc.
But nope, this time it was like I had forced close my current task and my queue was cleared up, and was "free" to take on anything.
Your post reminded me of the the first time I was ever truly depressed: I was 10, and it was the summer holidays and there was just nothing good on TV. I had this deep sinking pit gut of a feeling that nothing good would ever happen again. I even told my mother about it at the time, and she just said that we'd do something tomorrow. But even that date was too impossible sounding for me. I've never felt that way since. A likely temporary chemical imbalance.