"Gonna be a long day tomorrow... ~bartender, shoot me up something light please. anything really, I'm not that picky."
Life's been getting a lot more cramped as of recent, but honestly... the responsibility feel quite refreshing on my quite bland life, while it has been tiring I have learned a lot more than I did in such a short span.
I am an adult now, well... I have been for a while. Being an adult, being responsible, being accountable, being free, having a wider perspective upon the world. Growing up has positive and negatives, but I don't believe I have ever been this alive... ever.
I'm not a social person. I didn't develop social skills when I was younger. I was (and to an extent, still) unaware of how normal people talk in any way. Writing this post is pretty difficult for me now, not sure how to express what I'm thinking of or if I'm doing something wrong.
But I am still doing it, I'm still here, writing away for one reason or another, because I made a promise to myself around a year ago that I will fix myself, despite how irreparable I thought I was. I am making progress in this journey, slow progress, but steady.
I wished for a lot as a child, things so basic it would seem pathetic that it was nothing bit a dream for me. But now that I am an adult, my perspective changed, I grew up, I went up and I went down, it was all a learning experience.
I accomplished so much of what younger me could have only dreamt of doing, even if I no longer have the same mentalities as him, I just hoped he was proud of me. That thought was the first time I cried of happiness, it's like he did hear me, and that was his response.
I will take this as a sign that I am doing well in this journey.
On another note, winter seems to have brought some really beautiful skies at times. I like the sky, I usually take pictures of them whenever they look pretty to me. I'm not a photographer, my phone's camera isn't the best, and I don't really know what I'm doing, but it's still nice to take some pictures every once in a while.
So yeah... a lot more actually happened but I think this is a nice place to stop.
Got some practice to do for a writing portfolio in-class tomorrow, and I have to leave by 8am, which means school traffic will fill up the roads for quite a while, great...
Been lurking a lot, but never had the time or energy to interact more, so I do hope to be more active.
Have a nice night, everyone.
The possibility of progress seems slim until you are finally able to look backwards in the rear view mirror on where you came from.
I sympathize a lot regarding where you were as a child and where you end up. Does it surprise you that things didn't end up much worse? I used to think that realization would strike me like an epiphany, but it hasn't come yet.
It really is remarkable. It sounds like you're doing well.
Does it surprise you that things didn't end up much worse?
Yeah, very much. To a fascinating degree.
I lived in an environment that kept reiterating how "you'll miss your childhood" and now I am honestly not sure if I exited the "childhood" portion, but now I can say that I don't really miss it. It wasn't anything remarkable. It was boring, bland, restricted, there isn't really anything to look back at. My schedule for several years was just "wake up, school if it isn't a weekend, study, sleep".
For the majority of the previous years was me thinking how I will be an adult and how I will never be happy again and I wasted my entire life up to that point on academic performance that still did not please the only people who forcefully pushed me on.
It was a pretty stupid thought to have, probably too much for someone that young.
I am glad to have seen what life really has to offer, a bit disappointed for how long it took me but better late that never.