Fires

Day 5 of losing my son started as usual these days, fits of crying.

I always imagined in these circumstances one would wake up initially in the past, and they'd slowly realize what had transpired. But that's not how it happens. I open my eyes, and instantly, I remember everything. So, I already start the day with deep pain.

My support network is strong, but what has really helped is nature, family, some weed, and meditation. Last night I went in nature, with two of our family, and I smoked some weed for the first time after the incident and meditated in the dark, to get in touch with the energies.

Can't say I felt anything, but I did meditate on the rain and thunder. The harder it rained, the stronger the thunder was. The harder I cry, the stronger I get. Great pain creates great strength.

Today, I took my wife, this time we were seven of cousins, brothers. We gathered around the fire, and told childhood memories. My wife doesn't smoke, because she is two months pregnant. We tell our selves that our son left to be reborn as our baby. We don't always believe it, but the times we do, it brings great comfort.

tracker

I can't really, viscerally imagine the kind of loss that you are feeling right now, ~madali, but I (and so many others here in the pub) do hear your words.

I am very sorry that this has happened in your life, but I also take strength from the way that you are processing your grief and sharing this with others. I too take great comfort in nature meditation and in being in the presence of loved ones. And your story reminds me once again just how precious and fleeting life can be. It should be cherished while it is still with us. I'm going to go hold my wife now and tell her how much I love her.