disability isolation

My pain in the last few months has been a lot and that has meant i've been able to do less and less. today especially i am feeling really isolated from the world.

even leaving my room is a lot of energy so i have seen the outside of my room. once today? when i got breakfast.

right now with many of my online friends asleep due to timezones, and the ones who aren't asleep due to timezones are busy. and i feel really alone!

i did manage to confirm my appointment with a pain specialist but its not till september (and it was already a 9 month wait to even get confirmation of the appointment). i tried with my gp to "break the cycle" but it didn't do it and i don't want to take opiods 4-6 times a day for at least 8 months. i try and limit myself to two tablets a day.

I don't like to be negative but my pain at the moment is just so much that its hard to think positivily.

It probably doesn't help that i've been watching a bunch of video essays and documentries about sad stuff, but i do like the sort of attention detox it has been. they are quiet, they don't try and constantly scream for your attention, its 40 minutes to 3 hours of just learning about a topic, which i do enjoy.

I also wanted to write today but i want it to be interactive however twine doesn't quite meet my needs. if anyone knows of a system that can sort of emulate a terminal in your browser, then i could write the story in something like javascript or something, that would be cool.

zampano

I can relate at least to a degree. Thankfully there's nothing physically wrong with me, it's all mental. And it's not even like severe depression or anything like that. I just go around feeling disconnected from the world, even when I'm ostensibly out in it. At the least, social interaction just takes so much energy that it's not something I can do for extended periods, and ADHD means that I have a hard time putting the work in to maintaining relationships a lot of the time. Plus a lot of other people are boring. Plus we all have 8 million things vying for our attention and time.

This is still something I'm trying to figure out, so unfortunately can't go any further than this.

Regarding the twine-like thing, what is it exactly that you want to be able to do that a simple text editor can't?

beefox

twine allows for it to be interactive, like choose your own adventure. i could just make it a website and do it all manually however

zampano

Gotcha. I've seen other engines (including web-based ones) out there, although I've never used any so can't go beyond that.

sugar

i've been super feeling this lately too. my pain is just relegated to my hands, but the chronic fatigue part of my disabilities are making it impossible to have a life, or friends, or partners. it's all so much of a struggle and it's _so lonely_. I'm so sorry, this is all to say.. I deeply understand 💕💔

beefox

may both of us find unlonelyness