Midnight Pub

Glad I'm not better.


Goodevening. Now that I have been finally settled for a couple days, it feels weird to be in my grandparents' house when they aren't there. It's really like something is missing, but I guess I am getting used to it.

I have a midterm in around half a week or so and I can't study when I'm out of town. It is cybersecurity so it's mostly common sense, no? Just hope they don't make it as hard/vague as the practice questions we got are.

I am not really the best person, like obviously we all are flawed in some way or another that's called being human, and because we are visiting relatives on this holiday it's common to bring up other people, and very common for my dad to give me these looks when gifted people are brought up that's like "why aren't you like them?" and it's not in the joke-y manner a pareny usually does, it's just a look of disappointment.

A common thing I have noticed with these people is that their life is actually just worse, I am fairly sure having your brain programmed to do one thing and only one thing is not a healthy thing and I am glad people are starting to notice that 6 year olds doing really big and great things are usually less because of luck and genetics and more of shitty parenting and some forms of abuse being involved.

Being programmed to just study and get good grades really sucked, I genuinely didn't know what to tell my classmates. "I was just good", that's not how the world works. "I like doing it", I really didn't that was just a lie. "My parents make me", this would be embarassing and no one would really take it lightly.

My academic record has dipped significantly ever since I realized life is a lot more than studying and grades, sure I will work for my degree that's something I do want to do but life is a lot more than that.

I'm not sure how life would have went if I didn't realize that. I probably would have never been here. I probably would have just used computers just to look better. It's scary to think about honestly.

Anyways, wow... it has been raining a lot recently.

Like... 4 days straight? It did make the intercity highway a tough 4ish hour drive.

Also, I probably have autism. I honestly did not know exactly what it is but now that some people talked to me about it, I'll look for a medical diagnosis soon enough. I already need a physical check anyways so why not get this one aswell.

No pictures today, sky was pretty dark these past couple days :<


I got disappointed when I discovered that the good grades that I had in primary school are not useful for anything, and in middle-school I started to have bad grades. I understood everything, I was lazy, I didn't want to work for nothing as before.



Yeah... really hurts to remember that the past however many years my parents and I kept pushing myself were not worth it considering people who did worse than me are studying with me or gove farther because they had good plans.

Still don't really know how to get over it, I've been trying to do a lot more in life, trying to talk with more people (being here) is my way of dealing with how the first 15-ish years of my life was just studying and dreaming of having a life like everyone else.



Welcome to the Autism club from me too. As for everything else, I'm sorry that all this stuff happened to you, but I'm glad you seem to be on the right track to realising what you want out of life. We're glad to have you here.



i found that while i absolutely love learning i absolutely lothe studying, and that they are two very different things.

congrats on your autism! welcome to the club c: it can be scary at first but also kind of relieving, knowing that you are not broken, just different.

I was a gifted child for a long time but as i hit 16 or so my grades started to drastically drop, i don't think it was bad parenting or anything, but the school system being horrible for neurodivergent children.

Sometimes, pictures of the dark are just as beautiful.



I don't like studying but i guess the only reason I went to uni is because I could go for free. I don't really find it interesting and every assignment I have I procrastinate until the last few days.



Kinda in the same field.

I was able to get for free, even getting paid a bit for my degree. Not much generally but it is something. I'm either a procrastinator or a "get it over with as soon as possible" person.

but honestly I do like studying for uni, much more than school. Feels a lot more jnteresting even if it's mostly the same stuff.