comfort and hardship

~dragfyre

I was leafing through the daily reports from geminauts (capsuleers?) on our beloved Station, and caught @danrl writing:

reading this book titled “the comfort crisis” and it speaks to me. a lot. great book so far (60% in). typing this while camping, fittingly.

what’s the most uncomfortable thing you have experienced recently?

I often think about how my tendency to seek comfort messes me up in life. Of course, probably very few of us actively seek misery, and leading a life full of misery probably isn't very good for you. But insisting on comfort has its own effects on one's life, as @whixr mentions:

The other day, I was having some work done on the air conditioner. The tech was talking about how helpless and pissy people get when their climate control system stops working. I spent last winter living in an uninsulated building with no central heating/cooling. We decided doing a bit of that is probably really healthy. Having all your needs met, all the time, probably comes with side effects.

This reminds me of how 'Abdu'l-Bahá—a central figure of the Bahá'í Faith—calls on the faithful to "accustom [their children] to hardship", as part of raising them to show upright conduct and to embody virtues:

While the children are yet in their infancy feed them from the breast of heavenly grace, foster them in the cradle of all excellence, rear them in the embrace of bounty. Give them the advantage of every useful kind of knowledge. Let them share in every new and rare and wondrous craft and art. Bring them up to work and strive, and accustom them to hardship. Teach them to dedicate their lives to matters of great import, and inspire them to undertake studies that will benefit mankind. ('Abdu'l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Bahá, p. 129.)

I have a rocky relationship with comfort and hardship. I don't feel like my parents exposed me to much hardship in my life. I mean, I didn't even have chores most of my life. My mom grew up as one of the older siblings in a very large and poor family, where everyone had to work to survive. My dad, on the other hand, grew up very well off financially and had a great deal of privilege. For whatever reason, it was my mom who ended up shouldering most of the weight in my family when I grew up. I think since she was already accustomed to hardship, she simply took things on herself. I often asked her if I could help out; this seemed to work best when she was baking, as there's usually extra work for more hands when baking, and there are quite a few parts of baking that aren't particularly dangerous—you might not get scalded or burned, but you might get hands and clothes full of flour.

Fast forward to my kids' family. My wife grew up in a smaller family than my mom's, but hers was just as poor. Knowing what 'Abdu'l-Bahá said about accustoming our children to hardship, we let them take on more of the regular work in the house. Cleaning up their books and toys, helping to cook and bake. As they grow older, we try to give them more of these opportunities. Right now the big focus is on studies and exams, and that seems to be enough of a hardship all on its own. We make a comfortable life for ourselves in the family, but we try to make sure we work for it.

All the same, I feel like I could do more. I work a day job, and when I come home, I have to admit I often let myself go, especially when I feel stressed out. At the very least, I aim to be present with the kids—at the very least, being physically present. But mentally, I feel like I'm often checked out. I always tell myself that I don't want to be the "absent dad" who's not really there. Is it a hardship to be mentally and emotionally present for your kids? To think about their well-being before you think of your own? And it is really taking care of your own well-being to be stuck with your eyes on your phone, scrolling a social media feed or playing a game, when you could be having some kind of pokémon battle with little people who adore you?

Deep thoughts. Deep as a well sometimes, a well that feels hard to climb out of. Mental tests, they said.