I've found out that the optimal time for me to sleep without losing my day is 15 minutes. I set a timer and nap anytime I feel a sleep attack coming on.
But it all feels like it adds up.
Time is a limited resource, why must I have it stripped from me to be a functioning person.
I could clean my living room in 15.
I could fold the laundry on our bed in 15.
I could do the dishes and wipe down the kitchen in 15.
but instead I need to postpone those activities, and cut into time otherwise better spent.
Seeking help is worse.
Narcolepsy medication is sparse and expensive.
75 dollars ontop of insurance.
Monthly.
Just to stay awake.
With 75 I could take my girlfriend out to our favorite restaurant and tip generously.
With 75 I could feed us with delicious meals for at least 2 weeks.
With 75 I might just be able to find out what is wrong with my car's lack of ability to cool itself reliably.
I just want to feel awake. I want to sleep the way healthy people do. I shouldn't have to trade my energy level for a caffeine addiction as a previous heart attack victim.
:(
It all adds up so fast.
it feels so unfair watching something steal our time away. although the circumstance is different, i feel similarly about having to work 6 days a week in order to make ends meet. i'm tired of watching my life and my energy vanish for the sake of capitalism so that my labor can make money for someone who doesn't need anymore. i hate that i spend more time staring at my desktop at work than i do in my own home or looking into my partner's face. time passes away so quickly.
i am gravely sorry to hear about your misfortunes with sleep. i truthfully do not understand, and you make me grateful for the sleep that i get, when most of my life i was not happy with it. i should try my best to reassure you that i don't think people see you as any less of a functioning person. it does add up very fast, i know, but in my eyes, it's nothing to feel guilty for. i'm sure your girlfriend would much rather have you getting the sleep that you need, and i sincerely hope that things work out with her. perhaps what you need is not to take her out to that dinner, but just to accept that she loves you the same either way. you're welcome to reach out to me whenever it gets hard to shoulder the burdens. maybe after a few conversations, i'll start to understand, and that's the most rewarding thing, isn't it?
take care of yourself, especially on the days it doesn't seem worth it. i'll keep you in my thoughts and i'll remember your name. best wishes..