I have been having a rough time recently remembering myself as my days become lost to sleep attacks and body image issues.
I had no drive to work out, knowing that if I worked out and ate in a calorie deficit, it would become unhealthy for the sole reason that I was doing it to look a certain way.
In the past I had tried, and had nearly starved myself. I always wanted to take up less space.
So I conceded my energy to nothing but my studies and my work. I had none left for myself.
...
And then my friend mentioned ice skating.
...
I had forgotten my fondness for the sport, the beauty in it, the cold rush of air as you hit the hard ice and slid after attempting a jump, the exhilaration of cutting through the ice on freshly sharpened skates, spinning enough to make your head follow suit, and the delicious aching of lactic acid flooding your muscles the next day as you dream about doing it all again.
...
I brought out my ice skates from my closet today. I put them on, and they still fit the same as they had when I bought them- perfectly.
Even though I had worked out legs that morning I decided to go on a run.
I texted my friend, begging for him to skate with me.
He hadn't gone for years at this point
but he had the same hunger for it as I did.
I have found my new motivation, to work out for myself, and I don't remember feeling this excited for anything else recently.
I hope Sunday will be fun :)