so much love to you and yours right now 💕💔
I am still waiting to go ice skating. It is the only thing I feel like I can control at this moment in time.
We are in the process of fleeing the country. Finding ways to 'get out of dodge' at the drop of a hat if need be, because fuck a world that we cannot go piss without risking our own safety.
I was going to start hrt in December, but that'll have to wait.
That will be ok.
Im worried about my friends and family.
The younger ones who cannot relocate,
that lose the opportunities that I might've had once.
My job is suffocating, and is barring me from flying home to make plans over the holidays.
I might have to make these plans through a phone call.
The speakers of my cracked phone telling me whether or not I will be uprooting my life and trying to condense it into suitcases.
So the coming months are going to be a lot. A lot of planning and anxiety. A lot of big changes for a couple years or so, while we find out what will happen and what wont.
I've never been out of the country before.
I have so much here.
Our apartment is so comfortable, we have decorated it so nicely.
I am going to miss dearly.
Maybe change is good.
I'll miss the friends I'll have to leave behind.
Yet I feel like I always miss people less than I should.
I'll have to sell my desk, the one I spend most of my time at.
I'll have to get rid of my favorite couch. We got so lucky to find that at the thrift store.
Goddamn it.
I'll be ok.
My heart hurts a lot right now.
In 5 hours I will be on the ice again.
With my friends and chosen family, I hope I can make them smile before I go.
Echoing what ~leeksoup said.
A friend of mine once said that it's never too late to start transitioning and that HRT will be there when you need it. That helped me, and I hope it comforts you.
Similarly, know that people have migrated throughout human history for many reasons, including this. You're not alone, and there's always people that can relate - you've just got to find them.
Safe travels.