Hey bartender I would like uh one of those peach vodka or a peach crush that I remember having the other day but would like to experience it again. I think that would hit the spot
Sometimes human connection can be really weird and off, but thats alright. That's just part of human nature. Now throw in anonymity and....yeah a lot of things get thrown out the window like basic decency.
I had to kinda detach myself from someone a couple weeks ago. Ever since I did that they disappeared, like they were never there. Really strange honestly but not the first time someone has done that as i find that now a lot of people who had a falling out with me this year tend to just disappear from my radar all together or just end up being there but never interacting. *sigh*
The reason I did that? Well they were pretty obsessed with me - I can't tell if its as a person or as a partner. I'm hoping it's not the latter.
I could tell they just treated me like an object by the way they interacted with me. It felt like I was their center of attention. I never got this behavior at all, as yes I was like this when I was really young, but once you reach a certain age you realize people aren't really worth obsessing over. ( This person however was definitely not a kid anymore and well past being young adult. ) I sound cynical or mean but it's what I really think, maybe it's because I know they can go away in an instant. But it's even worse when its over a screen because you never know this person, you don't know what they look like, you don't even know their name yet they're the star of your show.
Whenever they pointed out everything I did it felt like I was putting on a show for them and less of myself. I covered my bits of myself in hopes they can no longer use that to interact with me or have an excuse, but it was only in vain. People might see this as the grey rock method but to me it was just really tiring. It felt like I was showing another show of myself except it was inverted. I'm well aware I created this cage for myself, but if someone keeps messaging you over each time you like did something how can one not feel watched? Especially if they admitted to looking at all your social pages really really often (and more like daily more than anyone).
Maybe I was being avoidant in some cases, I will admit that. I often found myself just going offline to do whatever I wanted or setting my activity to private. I know its cowardly but when I went online i felt more nervous than ever. I didn't feel like myself at all.
Maybe they wanted more out of me in general, I feel its valid to feel that way, which is why I felt guilty for the longest time. But sometimes different people have different parts they wanted to show, not out of malice but just for safety and they wanted all of it. They had confessed to me and I had rejected it, because I gave up on online romance a long time ago. I just don't get any fulfillment out of something I can't directly interact. But I never told them that to begin with because I was afraid of them taking it the wrong way. But I guess that mattered to them more than me accepting it, because they continued to obsess over me and saying how much they "cared" when in fact I was in fear the entire time.
The final nail on the coffin: I made a passing remark of being almost close with someone. They didn't mind it at the time and gave me tips or was supported. Then months later, suddenly it was an issue. On how I should have considered the fact I shouldn't have done that with another person just because I had rejected them. I found their questions invasive as I never promised to do anything - it read like a partner trying to interrogate their partner. I told them off and thats how I distanced myself.
I just hope that they got what they wanted - they were inside their house most of the time, which is isolating and explains a lot of their behavior. Even if people can see different sides of this I knew the connection was no longer making us happy.