Constantly Miscommunicating

~bartender an Irish Coffee for me please

It's been a while since I've been here. I keep forgetting this place exists and I keep remembering it does and randomly popping in so "Hi Guys"

I feel like I come here to vent and I shall make it a point to come here more often just to chat and meet with you fine and interesting people.

But anyways, the rant I came here for:

I keep getting misunderstood. There are 5 scenarios that consistantly happen:

I am not filtering as much and I then end up miscommunicating tone or emotion - It's not even like its my true emotion slipping out. I genuinely did feel whatever was communicated

I use very structured, precise and diplomatic language to avoid misunderstanding - has it's obvious issues

People are talking about something I have no interest in and I feel super out of place

I have something interesting to bring up but no one is interested in it and I feel super out of place (how tf do only 2 other people here like Star Wars)

The best case - I ride the right line of having the right amount of filter and the line of the right topic everyone finds interesting

And like, I don't know what I am doing wrong. It could be that the success situation is just less likely but like. I don't know man. I am tired of trying. I keep trying and it keeps failing. I can perform - I am good at being a fun, entertaining person and it brings me joy to make other people happy. But is that all I can do while also being accepted. I dont know man. I have been on this planet for 20 years and its just been oscillating between seeming hopeful that I can change and learn and then back to "Oh what's the point"

AND I HAVE MADE PROGRESS - mostly in the space of not assuming that I am unwanted and automatically prefixing/suffixing with "Sorry to Bother" or "If you even want to" or things like that.

I had a much more structured rant in my head and then it just ended up being... not as structured. Do let me know if you have any questions at all.

jgreene

Words might actually be the lynchpin of a worldwide psychosis.

I mean, when you look at a word, and the meaning of it comes to you, that meaning doesn't actually come from the word. I mean it isn't stored within the text. You put it there.

So when you are having a conversation online, that conversation is arguably 99% with yourself. You are talking to yourself.

I mean, maybe the meaning you associate with the word is the same as the person you are talking to, or maybe mostly the same, but maybe it isn't. We pretend it is. We assume it is. But that's a bigass pretense and assumption.

And when you have a billion people talking to themself, pretending that it's a different person, well, that's a lot of crazy.