Don't run! Stay here and have fun!
I'm new to this place, have found it by chance. It seems comfy enough without being dead.
I'm spending this summer alone in a very small mountain village (I need to climb up a hill if I want to access the Internet, as there isn't even landlines here), and I will be sharing some thoughts here. I hope to hang out here long term, although sadly I have a tendency to flee as soon as I start to get acquainted with other users.
We'll see, maybe this will be the time that it doesn't happen :)
"I have a tendency to flee as soon as I start to get acquainted with other users."
Is there a reason for that? I know I sometimes feel pressured when there's more engagement than I expect.
Either way, welcome :)
Thanks!
As I say in my reply to ~tskaalgard I'm unsure of the reason, but it is probably related to feeling pressured, as you mention. It's also likely related to some embarrassing, kind of pathetic situations I put myself into as a late teenager online.
Is there anything that helps you manage that feeling of pressure when there's more engagement than you expected? I'm thinking some kind of "reality check", as thinking about it now I realize that those feelings are (in my case) disproportionate to what's actually going on when they arise.
"Is there anything that helps you manage that feeling of pressure when there's more engagement than you expected?"
It's something I still work with. What helped me was learning about that research that we could only handle a maximum of 140 "friends" on social media. That taught me to acknowledge and respect my own limitations, whatever they might be.
My main rule is that "offline life comes before than online life". Virtual is infinite, but we are very, very limited beings. So I'll abandon online activity if something is happening here that needs attention. That includes feeling pressured - it's time to close the laptop then or switch to non-interactive stuff.
When there is more engagement than I'm comfortable with, I update the main post instead of replying individually. I've also told myself that short responses are enough. So just saying, "really helpful, thank you", is fine even in response to a long blub (you can try it here :D ).
Some of us suffer from a mantra of "not enough" (I haven't done enough, said enough, responded enough ...). Worth addressing that if it's the root cause.
Thanks for such an insightful comment.
Didn't know there was research about the upper limits for online "personal connections" (I'm sure mine personally is well under 140). And offline life over online is a good rule, I try to do it already but just realized that the feeling of pressure is part of the offline life, even if it happens in response to online events. It's interesting how easy is to get mixed up what happens online from what happens offline (as well as what happens in your mind and what happens outside of it).
"It's interesting how easy is to get mixed up what happens online from what happens offline (as well as what happens in your mind and what happens outside of it)."
That's the nub of it. The online leaks into the offline and that for me is the red flag to say "hol' up". I forget from time-to-time too so best of luck with it.
Hello!
I'd like to hear more about this "mountain village" situation!
Also, is there a reason you often flee upon becoming acquainted with others?
The village used to have around 300 inhabitants (around 60 years ago), but the main economic activity was extensive cow farming, which became unprofitable with the arrival of intensive farming. Now only eleven people live there continuously. I've never lived there, but since I was a child I've spent time there during the holidays. Now I try to spend as much time as possible there.
Regarding the internet, some years ago not having easy access to the network used to bother me, but since then I've been trying to limit my usage and dependence from it, so now I find it an advantage. I used to have a landline with dial-up, but this last year they stopped even that service due to the low population.
is there a reason you often flee upon becoming acquainted with others?
I wonder the same! There is probably a reason, but I'm not aware of it. Maybe I put pressure on myself or something like that. During my late teenage years I had some embarrassing situations due to reckless behavior online, so now that I think of it, it's probably a factor too.
Hello, and welcome! Yes, this is a chill place, I can second. No need to rush. There's plenty of space in the shade, if you'd like to join ...
~bartender? The next drink for ~nargran and ~bentsai on my bill, please. Thanks.