Midnight Pub

Figuring Out

~benbadge72

Trying to figure my place in life, if I can even call merely existing life. Please understand, I'm not being dramatic nor negative. I am simply seeing everything as realistic as capable.

At one time had completed a 90,000 word horror novel. Wife and I have moved around enough that the storage media it was on got scuttled. I've not felt keen upon trying a full rewrite.

Done a fair bit in life. Got a lot I'm proud of having done, doing, being. Yes, got a few bits I'm not so proud of as well. For the most, though, the good outweighs the bad.

Maybe here in this quiet space I can get things sorted. Not sure where I'm heading. Sometimes going through the forest the first time is it's own destination. :)


ew

Howdy, mate!

~bartender? Whatever the newcomer fancies, it's on me!

I'm still on that coffee, thanks!

You mind, if I join your table? Well, thanks.

me giving Smudge some attention, while he is around my feet to make sure, I cannot ignore him :)

I have done good and bad things in my life, too. I feel very privileged to have seen a few very very nice places on this planet (like the Havasupai Canyon, or the Salar the Atacama). I'm similarly privileged to have met some very clever and nice people around. And yet I try to figure out how to continue, after all these years. My health is not as good as it used to be. So walking over to the Midnight from the train station is ok. Climbing up to the top of the near mountain range is not ok any more.

So? Where have you been? On the planet, or in the inter-webs ... I'm sure, you have a few nice anecdotes to share ... ya, take your time ... and feel free to ignore me and stare out of the window to watch the snow storm.

Cheers,

~ew

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firstenkidu

I don't think your dramatic at all for wanting to figure out your place in life. To be frank I think it can happen at any time, and that's coming from someone who's age can be dismissed as "young". Life is just confusing but I believe we can all get there, and like you said, the forest itself can be one's destination.

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benbadge72

And wisdom, or Sophia as she was called by the ancient Greek, may dance with any age. You remind me so much so that Hope does still exist.

Been through a bit of roughness emotionally, mentally recently. Had fairly well decided upon misanthropy for my "default" way to be as a result.

Someone who held a position of "authority" in a working environment misused said authority. Wound up with losing a wonderful job. I "didn't rock the boat", coming into this particular job new. Figured it was "go along to get along".

Keeping it phrased simply, look up Jim Jones. That's the kind of crap this person was "playing" at regarding me. I did as they instructed, but then still got "called on the carpet" for "not doing assigned work" despite assurances I was good. Yes, I kept asking for clarification at various points. The response kept indicating I was doing exactly all that was required.

Meanwhile, this person literally was not doing their job as a member of leadership. The work is custodial, ergo the big emphasis is upon training employees as to how the employer wants everything done, and then seeking to retain employees who are otherwise in a clearly obvious "dead end" position.

"The dirt I move on Monday will be the dirt I move on Friday." Moving dirt is the core definition of cleaning, anyone who has done it knows that. There's only so many ways you can shovel manure. How does "room to advance / grow" exist in doing that?

Ergo, it's up to leaders to offer incentive, motivation, or at least to help guide an employee to find it for themselves. This guy just wanted the "boss" title because it "sounded cool" on a resume.

Yet all the while he was espousing how he had been "all that and a bag of chips". I grew up with family that was military, been in, around military all my life. Sacrifice is not something you need to remind one who lives a life of service about. But he did. For one that's lived that, such a gesture is "fighting words", even more so when he claimed such a life as well.

Ugh. So, there you see why I had considered misanthropy. I apologize I've used alliterations, and clichés, and various other writing tropes. These shortcuts I used though to more easily convey everything.

Sophia understands. :)

Good reading you here. Some of us assuredly need to see the world we're leaving behind has good stewards. We need the beacon of Hope to keep shining. Thank you.

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