Midnight Pub

The Torment of Unplanted Seeds


Bartender, something muddled. Something that involves the posthumous torture of plants for my amusement.

I'm terrified to start gardening. I want to, but I have this terrible neurosis about doing things wrong, or poorly. It leads into spirals of self loathing that can be difficult to break out of. There's SO MUCH to know about growing things, so much conflicting advice, so many ways to fail. It's the information overload problem, and the existence of the blasted internet is not helping one bit.

And the deer, of course. They're like a plague of giant rats around here, and I don't have the money to make my rotting fence high enough to keep them out. They'll destroy anything I grow if not kept at bay somehow.

Perhaps I just need to do something, anything, with the expectation that it will fail. I have to break this paralysis somehow. It's robbing me of sleep.


Seeds are cheap and time spends whether you plant anything or not. I figure, just go ahead and plant anything. Even if some deer eat your plants, you'll at least get something to look at.

If you really think you can't grow anything, plant some mint! You'll never be able to get it to stop growing. (Seriously though, grow it in a pot, it will spread over your whole yard.)



Perfect is the enemy of good. I grow cucumbers, tomatoes and potatoes. And while I don't have to deal with deer, there are tons of birds and rabbits around here. I tried regular tomatoes one year, but the birds pecked at them - I solved this by planting cherry tomatoes, and assuming the birds would get some. The cucumbers often have mold on the leaves once they mature. But this doesn't stop them from growing a terrifying amount of cucumbers, more than I can eat.

Do something, see what works, see what doesn't, make some notes for next year!