a pipe, a pub, and ponderance

I'm thinking, since things are "working out", as I hoped they would, in regards to moving to Farmington, Missouri (I have been stranded in S St Louis County for fxxx knows how long), that I may revisit writing sometime after I move there.

I am bitter and gross feeling all the time, usually because I should have *already* been in Farmington if caseworkers had done their job right. And the isolation and isolation trauma caused soon after things falling through in November left me ugly/hostile to the world.

But, now that I am "coming around" and rehab (alcohol) is soon on the way after the Farmington move (a miracle I haven't relapsed here since being discharged from the hospital - but thank you proper medications), that I can write a thing here and again.

IDK. Writing, itself, is ugly to me sometimes. Insular activity, bourne of bad intent ("who's ready this?", "what will they say?", et al), or perhaps I can just journal in a local environment. I don't equate writing to blogging or vice versa - despite the decade-ish of daily blog entries. The relationship is strained, and at times, damn near vestigial ("I've said this before - is *everything* worth repeating?" - that mindset).

So, to be concluded later...

tffb

blog bless this caption:

"a year ago, i’d have written more words, tried to please, performed for an audience — but no longer. i share on my own terms. i keep it short and direct. i don't second-guess. after years of feeling like an npc, i’m ready to become the main character.

my body carries a mind pulverized and made anew. you’d be forgiven if you thought you were talking to the same person."

...from the "touch grass" newsletter -

https://buttondown.email/touchgrass/archive/2022-was-a-reboot/

Summarize. Me.

alex

Mind if I give some silly advice? Try not to bother thinking about what other people *might* think about your writing or if they ever end up reading it in the first place. More often than not, those worries are unjustified. Take it easy, despite the hardships you have faced, so far!

tffb

alex, thank you.

You're right, it doesn't matter especially with the type of writing I did (online journaling/logging), but I'm done with it for an indefinite amount of time. Been journaling in a CLI editor called Micro and have been enjoying myself. It's writing done right ;)

Hope you're good!