My addiction to porn

Here is a page with *fun* games. And thoughts about body, relations and what else...

So many perspectives in this world of passion, pleasure, joy of doing it. And of not doing it. Then thinking of it. Strong forces. Lets not waste them. Lets have fun.

I have been there and I salute your commitment to yourself and your future. I wouldn't say I'm 100% out of the woods (I tend to transfer my addictive behaviours onto a new "drug of choice") but for sure, doing the INNER work has helped a lot more than any white-knuckling.

Through my journey I discovered I had CPTSD from emotional abuse in childhood... That trauma caused me to seek ways to soothe myself because I never received soothing from caregivers (nor was taught how to self-soothe in healthy ways)

Good luck! If you have any questions as you progress I'll be happy to answer them.

The first step is always the biggest, so congratulations on that.

Regardless of what you think about twelve-step programs, I think their first and second steps are salient to anyone who has ever struggled with addictions or destructive habits 1) that you are powerless to overcome your addiction alone, and 2) that there is a greater power that can restore you to sanity.

By the first step, I take it to mean that you cannot will yourself out of destructive behaviours once they have become habits. Maybe one out of one hundred people can, but if you were in that group you would have given porn up a long time ago.

A habit, be it a drug, drink, or porn habit, instills rituals and patterns of behaviour that are deeply ingrained in an individual's life, and all contribute to the furtherance of that bad habit. Any particular person who has a drinking habit doesn't just drink a lot, they have rituals that reinforce and accompany the drinking. This alcoholic has a habit of going to the bar after work, a habit of meeting up with other derelict drinkers, a habit of timing his drinking to avoid the scrutiny of friends and family, and a habit of using alcohol has a crutch. If he were to disturb one or all of these habits, he can make the habit of drinking wither away. It would do this man no good to tell himself, "today I am putting down the bottle for good," if he decides to meet-up with his drinking pals anyways; the social aspect is also why the peer support model of AA has endured.

Porn is a much more difficult addiction to tackle because it isn't tied to time-and-place like drug habits are, provided that you have a more-or-less 24/7 access to porn through your devices. Nonetheless, there is a way forward. Think less about avoiding porn than avoiding what happens before you start consuming porn. Become aware of your state of mind in the lead-up to watching it, such as the feelings of boredom that lead you to seek out porn. Once your wheels slip into one of those old ruts, it is hard to stop yourself from watching porn. Break those patterns first, and your interest in porn will dissipate. Habits are the key.

The second step is the one that can make a lot of people wince because of the religious overtones, but I think it's much more than a "come-to-Jesus" call. I like what Paul Tillich had to say about God — that it is your "ultimate concern." Find the thing in your life that is most important to you, especially that you follow and respect in an unconditional and reverent manner, and that is more or less your God. Family, friends, service, justice, truth, any of these can be fitting ultimate concerns. This ultimate concern becomes your greater power, and your devotion to it can help provide you with meaning and allow yourself to avoid giving in to temptations.

Best of luck.

I would suggest considering your use of pornography in context with the rest of your life. I doubt the porn itself is the problem, but a symptom of deeper problems. Are you lonely? Touch-starved? Do you not have hobbies? Is your paid work emotionally unfulfilling? A lot of men use sex (or at least porn) to cope with these other issues because, quite frankly, they seem endemic to current capitalist society and all but intractible.

I've been reading porn (Literotica is more my jam than Pornhub) for over 25 years, and I don't consider myself addicted. I don't think there's any evidence for "porn addiction". I only hit that site when I haven't gotten laid in a while and I want to masturbate. I don't hide this from my spouse of 19 years; she knows I scratch my own itch when I'm in the mood and she's not. She does the same when she's in the mood but I can't help her because I'm at work. If either of us finds something hot, we share it with each other, but we prefer mutual masturbation to solo play with porn if neither of us is up for other kinds of sex.

I can't offer you a solution as I have no reliable knowledge that would serve you well on this matter but do trust me when I say that I hope you find the help you need to overcome your hurdles and live life on your own terms.

It's great that you want change if that is a problem that bothers you. If you struggle with quitting pornography, "The Easy Peasy Method" seems to very popular.

Perhaps this could help.