Have a seat next to the broken hearted

Why am I drinking here in this bar, in the middle of a work day?

Because I long for the one who's heart I broke. Now that she has moved on to a new person, I don't know what to do with myself. It's not like I didn't see this coming. I don't even understand how I turned into such a monster with her. Most days, I didn't even recognize myself. But she's the first one I've ever loved and I know she'll never want to talk to me again after the shit I pulled.

You would think I would be over her. It's been over a year now. But I still dream about her. I still think about her. I write songs about her. Help me.

So pour a drink and sit down with me. Because I am the miserable son of a bitch who threw away the only woman I ever truly loved, because I was too afraid to be vulnerable with her.

inquiry

Don't assume someone understands - and knows what to do with - vulnerability just because they don't have a penis?

theodred

I am intrigued by this line of thinking here. Though it may seem redundant to ask, would you be so kind as to elaborate a little further please?

inquiry

I'm too worried I'll ejaculate the inverse of vulnerability all over the place if I elaborate any further. ;-)

tetris

Hang in there buddy, problems don't just appear out of nowhere and as empty as this statement might sound, I find it's often true:

sometimes it was just never meant to be.

I went through a similar thing with my first, where I instigated the break up and mourned it for about the same time.

I realised over time though that I wasn't actually sad over her, I was sad over the ideal of what she was: a cute, bubbly, funny, sociable, dependable partner who I could plan a future with.

But the ideal hides the reality: she was mean, often without meaning to, but still quite mean. She derided people she had never met, her politics were borderline fascist, she was controlling and her large ego was born out of a deep insecurity that she broadcast everywhere she went.

Where I'm going with this rant: focus on the negatives. She was likely not as perfect as you feel she was, and maybe you being a monster to her was in response to her being one to you (not to defend your actions of which I know nothing)

theodred

Woah. I believe this has given me an opportunity to re-evaluate this relationship and "take these rose-colored glasses off". Perhaps I'm in an impressionable state at the moment, but it's eerie to me how many parallels I am seeing between my situation, and your experience.

Thank you so much for sharing your story.

tetris

We all need someone to love, and to be loved. Sometimes that need overrides everything, even our senses ;-)

Bartender - a whiskey sour for my friend here!