Midnight Pub

detritus

I always liked that "offpunk" vibe as well. But my eyes get so tired quickly of the white-on-black of the terminal. I like it for playing with low level stuff, such as groping around a program with gdb, or looking at packet captures. But I also have no use for that kind of thing anymore. I like the pastel-ish look of plan9 and it's austere aesthetics. That's why I keep fantasizing about it.

But recently I don't give a flying f about computers, either. I want to go offscreen as much as possible these days. I read on my tablet, I spend most of my day reading on my tablet, in fact, so I cannot just throw the baby out with the bathwater (as much as I'm a fan of throwing babies out the window!). I plan to get an ereader soon but in my experience those are not very good for reading pdfs. I don't know.

Another alternative is for me to take as many notes now so that in the future I can have as much as possible on paper to refer to and go full analog, though that seems unlikely, I have gigabytes of pdfs waiting for me to read them.

I 'm not really writing for you either, here, can we call this the solipsism thread?

~bartender surprise me.

inquiry

> I always liked that "offpunk" vibe as well. But my
> eyes get so tired quickly of the white-on-black of the
> terminal. I like it for playing with low level stuff,
> such as groping around a program with gdb, or looking at
> packet captures. But I also have no use for that kind of
> thing anymore. I like the pastel-ish look of plan9 and it's
> austere aesthetics. That's why I keep fantasizing about it.

I fantasize about not being at the mercy of OS's, so I settled on endowing a Chromebook's Terminal app with my scripts and a few vital binaries (lua, tmux, curle, lynx, gemget) such that I'm quickly in an environment I know and love. I get philosophic/ethical stances against Chrome, but as with this fucked up world, I'm too old to care. The majority speaks, suffers, dies, and a new cycle of stupidity begins. It's a locomotive I tired of getting run over by at least a decade ago.

> But recently I don't give a flying f about computers,
> either. I want to go offscreen as much as possible these
> days. I read on my tablet, I spend most of my day reading
> on my tablet, in fact, so I cannot just throw the baby
> out with the bathwater (as much as I'm a fan of throwing
> babies out the window!). I plan to get an ereader soon
> but in my experience those are not very good for reading
> pdfs. I don't know.

I'm still somewhat attached to onscreen, but feel I've at least become efficient about it. As I wrote somewhere else recently, for me the fun is in tweaking things in the direction of efficiency with respect to thinks working the way I prefer, and when I get there I generally lose interest whatever those tweaks have facilitated. It's not unlike pursuing a desired other, come to think of it: you land them, and poof is their luster so quickly gone - or at least tarnished.

I got a Kindle way back (was it a decade ago? no idea..), but as usual it couldn't do at least one thing I thought it ought (can't remember what that was, now..), and then I started feeling silly because I knew I was going to continue to use the computer anyway, so why not have such together in one place? As with alcohol, whether or not I wind up abusing *either* isn't the devices' fault, so sacrificing "general purpose" because I can't exercise moderation seems closer to band-aid than solution.

I'm the problem. Fix me, and the problem is gone. Boom.

Part of that is what referred to as "the white-on-black of the terminal". From my point of view, I fixed *me* to honestly prefer that, and my search for what looks right/best was solved.

At the risk of reusing the phrase "it's not unlike" too much, it's not unlike marriage, where I keep finding the only effective/permanent solution to annoyances/conflict is to change me. But it's gotta be fully embraced down to the bone, or the more painful point of view - i.e. waiting for or trying to get her to change - goes cat o' nine tails with a vengeance.

> Another alternative is for me to take as many notes now so
> that in the future I can have as much as possible on paper
> to refer to and go full analog, though that seems unlikely,
> I have gigabytes of pdfs waiting for me to read them.

You do only if you think you do. ;-)

I used to collect pdfs, text, URLs ("bookmarks"), etc. because I thought there might be a bunch of wisdom out there I was missing out on. But while operating under that assumption for quite a while, I started realizing most internet content is either fiction as a tool to make money, or people whining about their own misery in their own kingdom of individuality. Not that I don't like consuming some of either some of the time. But it's hardly what I'd hoped to find.

And then even when it's not misery-centric, it's quickly meh: "Oh boy, someone went for a bike ride... AGAIN..." Nothing new under the digital sun kind of thing. I rarely make it past the first couple paragraphs of a blog/phlog/gemlog entry anymore.

And that's not to blame people, mind you. It's more a point of view regarding "the world", "life", or whatever we might call it. The permutations came to seem far more limited than I hoped way back when USENET seemed like infinite possibilities.

> I 'm not really writing for you either, here, can we call
> this the solipsism thread?

We can call it whatever we like, but that won't change the fact that we'll assign private meaning to whatever label per our private conceptuality contexts - aka minds. To me the important thing is that we practiced our typing, and enjoyed exchanging the resulting word arrangements.

Honestly, the typing part remains where the bulk of my joy is with respect online....

detritus

for me the fun is in tweaking things in the direction of efficiency with respect to thinks working the way I prefer, and when I get there I generally lose interest whatever those tweaks have facilitated.

Yeah, for me the fun is in figuring out how to get something done, on paper, and jotting all kinds of notes, and then half-implementing it in the computer where I am buffeted with obstacles that have little to do with the task I'm trying to accomplish it... and then leaving it.

sacrificing "general purpose" because I can't exercise moderation seems closer to band-aid than solution.

I'm the problem. Fix me, and the problem is gone. Boom.

That's an interesting perspective. Personally, I'm all in for special purpose, rather than general purpose. My favorite piece of tech that I own is an HP48 RPN calculator.

Another advantage of an ereader is battery life. As for abuse, I find myself in the need to impose moderation, rather than find the way to exercise it.

Oh boy, someone went for a bike ride... AGAIN...

You misread me, I said pdfs, meaning books.

Most of what I am interested in was written between 300 BCE and, say, 600 CE. I read to study stuff I am interested in. My favourite book has 78 pages and virtually endless permutations.

This is not to say the endeavour is any less hopeless, in the end, it is a faustian one. But there is little else I enjoy in life, at least this can keep me busy and away from, ahem, darker, thoughts.

To me the important thing is that we practiced our typing, and enjoyed exchanging the resulting word arrangements.

Honestly, the typing part remains where the bulk of my joy is with respect online....

Me too, I personally like typing my mind out a lot, even if it's about a bike ride I may have taken :-) I like to write about my inner world and maybe get a reply, I also like to write a post that nobody can possibly reply to, because I don't allow it. I also like to type in anonymous media where it will eventually drown out in a sea of other voices. It's therapeutic, and since I have nobody to talk to about my issues, I talk to the void. It's a good void.

FWIW I enjoy reading you.

~bartender please take away this instant coffe and bring me a proper espresso

inquiry

> Yeah, for me the fun is in figuring out how to get
> something done, on paper, and jotting all kinds of notes,
> and then half-implementing it in the computer where I am
> buffeted with obstacles that have little to do with the
> task I'm trying to accomplish it... and then leaving it.

Sadly hilarious and familiar.

The latest instance for me was how 99% of the terminal browser I wrote was straightforward, easily accomplished via debug and trial/error.

But attempting to grok resolving relative links? *Nightmare.*

So many conflicting opinions in search results, so much indecipherable documentation (including the related RFC's) and/or source code.

I got so desperate that some old scripts I'd written that invoked node (as in node.js) had me wondering if I could just pass a base URL and a relative URL to a node-based script (as in "#! /usr/bin env node"), which could instantiate a URL object, and then console.log(url.toString()) (url being the instantiated object), and I'd suddenly be resolving relative links correctly.

And guess what, it works!

BUT... (y'all knew that was coming)....

Since a page I'm processing to display can have scores of relative links, invoking node.js repeatedly was far too heavy an operation, basically crucifying the overall usability.

Yes, I could have created a server awaiting base/relative inputs, thus instantiating a running node.js just once. But, seriously, a web server just to resolve relative URL's correctly?

So I went with the advice of guidance on the topic of relative link resolution that seemed the clearest, that I imagined probably covered the most cases, and hammered on that until I got something that's been mostly working.

So while that had something to do with what I set out to do, it felt like something that should have been easy, and yet wound up taking an ungodly amount of time, and incurring the bulk of the overall frustration.

The fact that it took half of forever for me to write out what happened kind of says it all, really, you know?

> That's an interesting perspective. Personally, I'm all
> in for special purpose, rather than general purpose. My
> favorite piece of tech that I own is an HP48 RPN
> calculator.

Wow! I've not thought about HP RPN calculators in ages. I had a Texas Instruments "SR-50" in high school... well, until my asshole locker partner stole it....

> Most of what I am interested in was written between 300 BCE
> and, say, 600 CE. I read to study stuff I am interested in.

I've been re-reading mostly the same material of interest for years, because it's kind of in the direction of "esoterica", and easily forgotten in the heat of what might playfully be called "bodily living with a touch of mental illness". But try not to take that last part too seriously, because years ago the phrase "all mental is illness" came to me, and there's not much going on in the human realm that argues against it.

> My favourite book has 78 pages and virtually endless
> permutations.

Surely you're not going to leave me hanging as to title!

> This is not to say the endeavour is any less hopeless,
> in the end, it is a faustian one. But there is little else
> I enjoy in life, at least this can keep me busy and away
> from, ahem, darker, thoughts.

Hey, that's what marriage - aka struggling so mightily to keep up with someone else's wants/needs that there's no time/energy left for self pity et. al. - is for! ;-)

> Me too, I personally like typing my mind out a lot, even
> if it's about a bike ride I may have taken :-) I like to
> write about my inner world and maybe get a reply, I also
> like to write a post that nobody can possibly reply to,
> because I don't allow it. I also like to type in anonymous
> media where it will eventually drown out in a sea of other
> voices. It's therapeutic, and since I have nobody to talk
> to about my issues, I talk to the void. It's a good void.

Ah, yes: the /dev/null option!

The last, therapeutic part reminds me of https://portal.mozz.us/nex/nightfall.city/classifieds/.

> FWIW I enjoy reading you.

Holy first time for everything, Batman! :-)

And ditto. I've really appreciated the replies.

detritus

So while that had something to do with what I set out to do, it felt like something that should have been easy, and yet wound up taking an ungodly amount of time, and incurring the bulk of the overall frustration.

That's my whole experience with programming.

Actually, with programming, it feels like now it's all about battling the technologies and libraries in order to do what should be simple tasks. Really.

calling node to resolve something called relative links

I rest my case.

But try not to take that last part too seriously, because years ago the phrase "all mental is illness" came to me, and there's not much going on in the human realm that argues against it.

Don't get me starte with "mental illness", in detaching myself from the world I've come to hold some opinions that the vast majority won't like, and which go opposite to the official narratives.

Surely you're not going to leave me hanging as to title!

Why, I am talking about Tarot, of course!

Hey, that's what marriage - aka struggling so mightily to keep up with someone else's wants/needs that there's no time/energy left for self pity et. al. - is for! ;-)

I have been all to aware of this lately. I had to delete all my books because my reading was making my partner depressed. Now I have to find something to do, preferably with my hands... idk.

https://portal.mozz.us/nex/nightfall.city/classifieds/.

Thank you, I shall make heavy use of this!

Sorry for the short reply, I am empty right now.

inquiry

> That's my whole experience with programming.
>
> Actually, with programming, it feels like now it's all
> about battling the technologies and libraries in order to
> do what should be simple tasks. Really.

"Software entropy's a bitch, and then we die."

- Anonymous and deceased Python adherent

> Don't get me starte with "mental illness", in detaching
> myself from the world I've come to hold some opinions
> that the vast majority won't like, and which go opposite
> to the official narratives.

Aw, c'mon! Get started! ;-)

>> Surely you're not going to leave me hanging as to title!
>
> Why, I am talking about Tarot, of course!

Ah...! You know, I had a "Crowley deck" once upon a time, but now I don't remember anything about Tarot overall.

>> Hey, that's what marriage - aka struggling so mightily to
>> keep up with someone else's wants/needs that there's no
>> time/energy left for self pity et. al. - is for! ;-)
>
> I have been all to aware of this lately. I had to delete
> all my books because my reading was making my partner
> depressed. Now I have to find something to do, preferably
> with my hands... idk.

"Matrimony's a bitch, and then you doghouse."

- Anonymous premature vows fool

> Sorry for the short reply, I am empty right now.

That's okay. I mean, I *was* starting to think I'd ruffled your feathers somehow. I seem to have upper echelon skills in that department, you see....

detritus

"Software entropy's a bitch, and then we die."

Honestly I feel we are rapidly approaching software heat death. Especially now that people are starting to get LLMs to write their code for them!

I actually think that the whole state of affairs with software is caused by a whole superstructure that is kept in order to keep up a market for developers in order to circulate money, which requires them to stack complexity and make things 1000x harder than they should be.

My views on "mental illness" are more or less the same. We make up an artificial standard of what it means to be a normal, or at any rate functional, human being, which actually just means supporting the same money-circulating superstructures with inane labour, and we create a whole artificial set of habits and alimentary patterns that make us sick, and now we create yet another market to give lobotomizing drugs to people so that they can keep walking the death treadmill of money.

We really are forced to live the worst lives possibles, human beings have been turned into cattle these days.

So yeah, you don't really want to get me started on this.

That's okay. I mean, I *was* starting to think I'd ruffled your feathers somehow. I seem to have upper echelon skills in that department, you see....

Try me! Here's a tip: you'd have to hold on to ordinary (some would say safe) views on a topic to really rustle my feathers.

Anyway you should know by now that (so long as you're not actually hostile), however the guy on the other side reacts to your words, that is their problem, not yours!

This is the internet, after all :-)

I would really like to elaborate more but these days my brain isn't in verbose mode. I hope you understand.

inquiry

> I actually think that the whole state of affairs with
> software is caused by a whole superstructure that is kept
> in order to keep up a market for developers in order to
> circulate money, which requires them to stack complexity
> and make things 1000x harder than they should be.

That sounds about right.

Where I depart on that is I can't blame a superstructure, as though some sinister, free-willed thing. To my current way of thinking, the superstructure is an emergent property of the mathematical integral of many self-centric behaviors. There seems to be a superstructure sort in the way there seems to be a glowing circle hovering midair when rotating a hot firebrand tip in the dark. Is there a circular "thing" in the case? Not really. But it surely looks like there is, and we can say there is, and if we say it enough we can even believe it, and believing it seemingly makes it so.

In the superstructure case, I think it's the mass repetition of "I'm more important than all else, so I will almost always cut myself breaks over all others". That's what I mean by "self-centric behavior". You get enough people repeating that often enough, and next thing you know there appears to be an evil - or let's just call it an anti-societal - superstructure driving the whole thing. Except there isn't. There's just a seeming momentum to a whole lot of selfishness, and then we call it something else to avoid accepting that assessment and its inherent response-ability.

Something like that.

Things are harder than they seem to be because people are working against each other by being more for/about themselves than for/about the collective, about each other. The mathematical integral of enough seemingly infinitesimal self-centric behaviors is an economic hot firebrand tip of hell. :-)

Pondering that is how what I call "The Zeroth Commandment" came to mind. It's called that because we all know of the "Ten Commandments", and we all know practically nobody can follow them due to the self-centricity of the root of their behavior(s). But what if we started with a simpler commandment that might be thought of as underlying the rest (hence "Zeroeth"), but a better behavioral starting point?

How about: "Thou shalt not inconvenience"?

We have the power to put ourselves perhaps not last, but perhaps not first. That's all it's suggesting. Don't take shortcuts that lead to more otherwise unnecessary effort/work/frustration for others.

Something like that.

> My views on "mental illness" are more or less the same. We
> make up an artificial standard of what it means to be
> a normal, or at any rate functional, human being, which
> actually just means supporting the same money-circulating
> superstructures with inane labour, and we create a whole
> artificial set of habits and alimentary patterns that
> make us sick, and now we create yet another market to give
> lobotomizing drugs to people so that they can keep walking
> the death treadmill of money.

Continuing in the above vein, the "artificial standard" is seemingly having to be more self-centric (or "inconveniencing") to keep up with others' being more self-centric, and the *seeming* superstructure that emerges from the integral of enough self-centric, inconveniencing behaviors - *seemingly* in order to survive, if not thrive.

> We really are forced to live the worst lives possibles,
> human beings have been turned into cattle these days.

'Tis definitely a vicious cycle. Moooooooooooooooooooooo! :-)

> So yeah, you don't really want to get me started on this.

Oh yes I do. It's really the only topic that matters should we wish to persist without going sufficiently crazy to annihilate ourselves and/or others.

>> That's okay. I mean, I *was* starting to think I'd ruffled
>> your feathers somehow. I seem to have upper echelon skills
>> in that department, you see....
>
> Try me! Here's a tip: you'd have to hold on to ordinary
> (some would say safe) views on a topic to really rustle
> my feathers.

You don't have to worry about *that* happening. :-)

> Anyway you should know by now that (so long as you're not
> actually hostile), however the guy on the other side reacts
> to your words, that is their problem, not yours!

In a way. But I think it comes back to me, so to speak. Or even if there isn't something overtly karmic about it, I can't un-remember my having possibly riled someone unnecessarily, and remembering that affects me going forward.

> This is the internet, after all :-)

Truer chewed cud hasn't been uddered! ;-)

> I would really like to elaborate more but these days my
> brain isn't in verbose mode. I hope you understand.

I do. My wife has me going lots of different directions. And they're not bad directions. It's just that I've been on a sort of textural quest since "local BBSes" in the early 1980's / late 1990's, and so this activity feels like something that's about to become important any minute now, even though it pretty much never has: the hope springing eternal thing, or something like that.

detritus

To my current way of thinking, the superstructure is an emergent property of the mathematical integral of many self-centric behaviors.

At first I was inclined to agree, but on second thought...

Yes, this "superstructure" I talk about is an emergent property of very many individuals acting apparently on their own, but that is not to say it doesn't actually exist. I recall the materialistic position that consciousness is an emergent property of neural synapses firing here and there. Likewise with the "superstructure", which even though it is an emergent property, it is still a real thing. It exists in the form of github, AWS, electron (or whatever all that crap is called), in ECMAscript 6 (I think? I keep losing track of iterations of programming languages and hollywood films, how many pythons are there, how many perls, how many fast & furious?), all of these enforcing the current state of affairs.

I also do not think it's quite self-centered behaviour. All of this seems to be done within the cult of the money god, which people follow even though it sucks on their lives and souls and it's slowly killing them. That hardly counts as self-centered behaviour. I am selfish, I don't work "for the benefit of society" (I still have my doubts as to whether making marketing campaings for sugary drinks or adulterated tobacco really is a benefit to society, but it's my word against that of 6 billion people!), I am self-centered and that is why I don't put myself through the trouble of installing a buttload of different "frameworks" to provide me with basic functionality.

Actually I think it's often the opposite. Most of what "most people" (and by most people I mean what seems to be the mainstream as put forward by the biggest online activity hubs) seem to do is to always follow the crowd where it leads. A lot of the things people do appear to be done in order to please the crowd, rather than personal choice. Why would I use discord if IRC is good enough? "because everyone else uses it!" why would I want to join facebook which does literally nothing? "because everyone else is there", why would I want a bloated web browser that leaks memory and consumes cycles like a emaciated hog? "because every site now uses cloudflare", you see my point? why does anyone buy gucci stuff if it's expensive and fugly? "because that's what OTHER people value". And so on and so forth. You could take any example and it would be more or less the same case.

Yes, arguably, money promotes self-centeredness, well, that is the dominant narrative, that it encourages a sort of extreme individualism, yet I don't see much individualism as much as I see personality cults for the likes of Melion Husk and Mcdonald Dumb.

Ultimately the malady of money is that it forces you to hoard, but, well, that's another topic for another day! (maybe?)

Oh yes I do. It's really the only topic that matters should we wish to persist without going sufficiently crazy to annihilate ourselves and/or others.

Okay, I don't think any of us is really "mentally ill", we are thoroughly sick, from the moment of birth they toss us into a machine of sickness, and it's half done on purpose in order to, well, keep up the superstructure of medicine and the very profitable pharmaceutic industry. The other half is just that humans ABHOR nature. And we fight our own nature. As I said, we set up a completely unnatural setting for us (laboral, affectional, even in our primarly landscape) and we hold fast to structures that are set up to keep as much distance as possible between us and nature, and I don't necessarily mean "mother nature" (I do, though), but our own nature. We avoid listening to our own body and psyche as much as possible and thus we become sick.

But mental illnes as it is called is, I believe, not at all sickness, but basic human behaviour, our human nature. Take ADHD, for example. I am told that "not being able to do what I really don't want to do and which I feel deep inside is ultimately stupid and meaningless" is a symptom of a mental illness. And that wanting to make money for a guy who already has a lot of money, that is normal human behaviour. I don't give two fucks about the meaningless inane shit people put so much value into? autism. I keep having instrusive thoughts because I'm deeply dissatisfied with a sterile environment? OCD. And so on and so forth.

Furthermore, I understand I am incomplete and I need to grow, that I may have to unlearn many behavioral patterns I have picken up from a bunch of equally sick individuals and advertising campaigns designed to mislead me, but the suggestion that I need to go and pay for "therapy", in order to heal "trauma" seems to me like just another block in the superstructure designed to make me walk the treadmill of money that is slowly killing everyone on this planet. And I am supposed to do all of this for the sake of society.

So yeah, there goes a little brain dump, there's more of that where it came from, if that is what you really want.

* * *

By the way, I know my post may come off as hostile, or at least jaded, it's just the tone that I adopt when I address what I think is a topic that is beyond hope and repair. Please don't take it personally.

Stay safe.

Oh, and

It's just that I've been on a sort of textural quest since "local BBSes" in the early 1980's / late 1990's,

I have a bit of an infatuation for that "scene", even if I am a bit youg to have lived that. One thing that I've always been fond of, though I don't use it nearly as much as I would like to, is MUDs/MOOs, but they hardly get any traffic these days. Also it dumps a lot of text sometimes: "detritus just entered from the west, detritus just went east, there is a larva here".

One personal project of mine (more like a pipe dream) is to make a MUD entirely in the only programming language I like, but I am too lazy to do... anything really :^)

inquiry

> Yes, this "superstructure" I talk about is an emergent
> property of very many individuals acting apparently on
> their own, but that is not to say it doesn't actually
> exist. I recall the materialistic position that
> consciousness is an emergent property of neural synapses
> firing here and there. Likewise with the "superstructure",
> which even though it is an emergent property, it is still a
> real thing. It exists in the form of github, AWS, electron
> (or whatever all that crap is called), in ECMAscript 6
> (I think? I keep losing track of iterations of programming
> languages and hollywood films, how many pythons are there,
> how many perls, how many fast & furious?), all of these
> enforcing the current state of affairs.

It amazes me how people can have such varied views on concepts like "exist" and "real". To me there's so huge a difference, for example, between some*thing* I trip over existing, and something like a website existing. To me the latter would be more accurately referred to as being "said to exist". Because where is it? How can I trip over it? Is there any accessing "it" apart from a whole lot of mediation by way of software, hardware, and connectivity? Don't the twain (chair/website) illustrate kinds of existing so radically different that the word 'exist' is practically on the verge of coming apart at the seams to accommodate both?

To me, the "superstructure" we spoke to "exists" in a way much closer to "website" than to "chair".

Except for Midnight Pub, of course... although of course it's closer to a stool than a chair.... ;-)

> I also do not think it's quite self-centered behaviour. All
> of this seems to be done within the cult of the money god,
> which people follow even though it sucks on their lives
> and souls and it's slowly killing them.

I've not been sufficiently clear. What I was hoping to communicate is all acting/behavior as though from an individual self is necessarily self-centric for that self being the center of its story, as it were. Yes, we can distinguish degrees of selfishness, categorize and rank them, etc. But their common denominator is the conviction of being a being separate from what is considered not that being.

> Okay, I don't think any of us is really "mentally ill", we
> are thoroughly sick, from the moment of birth they toss us
> into a machine of sickness, and it's half done on purpose
> in order to, well, keep up the superstructure of medicine
> and the very profitable pharmaceutic industry. The other
> half is just that humans ABHOR nature. And we fight our
> own nature. As I said, we set up a completely unnatural
> setting for us (laboral, affectional, even in our primarly
> landscape) and we hold fast to structures that are set
> up to keep as much distance as possible between us and
> nature, and I don't necessarily mean "mother nature"
> (I do, though), but our own nature. We avoid listening to
> our own body and psyche as much as possible and thus we
> become sick.

At some point I became fascinated with how the mentally ill were simply called "mental", which had me wondering if mentation were itself an illness. The phrase "all mental is illness" came to mind (har har), and I became rather fond of it.

But that also ties into the aforementioned teachings, which typically see thinking/thought as a barrier to a deeper experience of, well, <ineffable>... in other words (har har again) that the deepest reality can't be access via words/mentation/conceptuality for being a re-present-ational overlay thereof.

> But mental illnes as it is called is, I believe, not at all
> sickness, but basic human behaviour, our human nature. Take
> ADHD, for example. I am told that "not being able to
> do what I really don't want to do and which I feel deep
> inside is ultimately stupid and meaningless" is a symptom
> of a mental illness. And that wanting to make money for a
> guy who already has a lot of money, that is normal human
> behaviour. I don't give two fucks about the meaningless
> inane shit people put so much value into? autism. I keep
> having instrusive thoughts because I'm deeply dissatisfied
> with a sterile environment? OCD.  And so on and so forth.
>
> Furthermore, I understand I am incomplete and I need to
> grow, that I may have to unlearn many behavioral patterns
> I have picken up from a bunch of equally sick individuals
> and advertising campaigns designed to mislead me, but
> the suggestion that I need to go and pay for "therapy",
> in order to heal "trauma" seems to me like just another
> block in the superstructure designed to make me walk the
> treadmill of money that is slowly killing everyone on this
> planet. And I am supposed to do all of this for the sake
> of society.

I hear you.

And yet might not what's seemingly missing actually always be present, but obscured by thinking about what we are instead of wordlessly being what we are?

Might what we think we are be a model that we've come to believe to be the reality?

> By the way, I know my post may come off as hostile, or
> at least jaded, it's just the tone that I adopt when I
> address what I think is a topic that is beyond hope and
> repair. Please don't take it personally.

We're good.

It's just that I've been on a sort of textural quest since "local BBSes" in the early 1980's / late 1990's,

> I have a bit of an infatuation for that "scene", even if
> I am a bit youg to have lived that. One thing that I've
> always been fond of, though I don't use it nearly as much
> as I would like to, is MUDs/MOOs, but they hardly get any
> traffic these days. Also it dumps a lot of text sometimes:
> "detritus just entered from the west, detritus just went
> east, there is a larva here".

Oh, wow, I've not seen those acronyms in ages, and never really knew what they were referring to.

> One personal project of mine (more like a pipe dream) is
> to make a MUD entirely in the only programming language
> I like, but I am too lazy to do... anything really :^)

I'm here for you whenever you need additional procrastination. :-)

tffb

I, too, wanted to delve into text-only/cli-centric methods of computing, but I ended up just beeing offline mostly, anyway. Text, e-mail, YouTube (via NewPipe on Android) and IRC (lately Revolution IRC from FDroid, soon back to Irssi in XFCE terminal), but other than that I am MIA from the Web. No beef or qualms or ill will towards anyone or anything, I just cannot have my brain melded into the shortform/micro-blogging world of Mastodon as it had been with Twitter (literally the same mental pathways break open, show themselves as the all too familiar avenues to nowhere that they are). Writing online is on/off as writing itself is on/off, for me. A conversation on IRC when it's relevant, or a comment to and fro, but even e-mail seems like an *upkeep* of communication anymore. Lo and wonderous was the world of "just" AOL chatrooms or/and AIM personal IM's (and also AIM personally curated chatrooms) back when, prior to me needing/wanting/knowing how to put anything online, pissing on Newgrounds and sometimes causing a hellacious stir there in the forums as the trool-like teenage fiend I was.

So now I lurk, always. YouTube, IRC, Midnight.pub, Read.write.as, Feedbin for the litany of blogs and Mastodon accts I follow (no need or want to take action on any of it - just read what is there).

CLI-only? Yes, I will go with Newsboat in time. Self-host it. Possibly even YewTube, who knows. For now just *using* the Web is alright with me.

Stay good, Inq

inquiry

> For now just *using* the Web is alright with me.

Bingo, where for me "using" includes crafting toolage so access feels like falling off a log the way I more enjoy succumbing to the gravity.

> Stay good, Inq

You too, and thank you sir!