Ohh so that's what the drawing is supposed to be...
~
> Me? Cruising into Midnight (both here and on the clock > (CST here) and thinking about...whatever. I don't know > what I am doing, why I am doing it. Issue 15 of Ctrl-ZINE > was compiled, formatted, and released - I don't see why. I > am sure people of Ctrl-c.club saw it and are aware of it, > maybe even saying a thing or two about it on IRC, but any > and all creative endeavors lost pretty much all meaning for > me in 2022. I could write a manifesto that cured cancer, > brought about world peace, made me the Most Famous Human > Being on Planet Earth and I would still shrug and just > want some other life.
There's nothing out there but hollow want (aka lack), because the act/mindset of seeking guarantees it.
For more and/or related put way better than I ever could:
The Open Secret: Essaysthese days (and always, probably) I've become more of a content isolationist - I just know that unless I am proactively doing something (volunteer work, or whatever) than it is a sure thing I will be at my apartment alone, and zero chance of anyone stopping by or me going anywhere, other than where I decide to go to. In Farmington, I know basically no one, and I am 100 miles away from anyone I am on a first name basis with, outside of members/staff of the Clubhouse. I am 100% ok with this, as it is sort of like a full-time Legion Hall or Elks Club. Instead of veterans or/and retirees, it's middle-aged psychos (men, women, any and all) who (by chance?) range from 30-ish years old to 70 years old. Some in group homes, some retirement homes, some in transitional housing after release from prison, some who just live on their own, some (unlucky) f***ers who are still at their parents house well into their 30s (I nearly slit my throat after being at my folks house one year into my 20s - homelessness rang a much more pleasant bell, for me) some who volunteer for many things, some who volunteer daily/consistently (e.g. me with making breakfast/lunch), and some who never talk to anyone and just volunteer, and some who do the opposite. So the backgrounds and personality type(s) are radically different all over, but after the technicolor motley crew of all walks of weird, I am fine just sitting at home and being alone, and claiming my time/thoughts to myself, which I prefer as default no matter what anyway.
it is what it is
I've long been a "Why would I need to be other than at home?" as I'm very good at entertaining myself with minimal implements, and thus see going elsewhere as more what those who aren't do. I also lean "benefits must exceed effort/cost", and in my experience "elsewhere" almost always involves sufficient "happy horseshit" to skew that ratio less than one.