Note to Self

I just wrote this in my journal, figured I'd share it with you guys:

"Hey bro, go and ask out [Name]. Yes, tomorrow. Life is way more important than college relationships, there are way bigger fish to fry. So do it so there aren't any what-ifs. If she says yes, awesome! Push forward and learn and try to be the best person possible. If she says no, well, I only have 1 class with her for 1 semester, so it's not the end of the world. In that case, be the best friend (or, at the very least, classmate) possible. Both of those results are far, far more preferable than the Path of Not Knowing and the Path of Regret and the Path of Not Trying."

eaplmx

Ah, many memories arrive to my mind. Bad advice and 'wrong' decisions too. And many learnings. How to be rejected, how to be accepted by yourself and by someone else. Nice memories at the end.

I could assume many things from your text, and I think you want to read other people experiences, so I leave my random thoughts here.

What worked for me (guy in his 20s w/o real life experience looking for girls) was doing the opposite. Instead of asking 'Do you want to have a strong long term relationship with me?' to a girl I've never talked before it was more like, 'Let's be friends', so I friend-zoned first, and a few months later the door was opened to something more. Slow and painful, but this week wife and I are celebrating 9 years of relationship, so... It depends on what you are looking for and what they/he/she are interested in.

Lastly, any advice is useless, every relationship is different. So follow your instincts and recalculate with each try.

tetris

My advice to anyone in any social situation -- be the idiot. Say the things you are afraid to say, and ultimately let go of your ego. Stand tall, with a goofy grin.

eaplmx

Well, yeah! Don't be extremely idiot or put lives in danger but being silly and funny works well

inquiry

Just so long as 30/40 years from now you're not kicking yourself for not having encountered information pertaining to the so-called "Celibacy Path" sooner.... ;-)

shiloh

Ah yes, I heard about that one in Catholic school. Also, when I was doing cabinet work over the summer, the guy I worked with always talked about how I need to make sure I never get into a relationship because they're always a scam. But he had 3 divorces, so I'm not sure if he has objective data on that. But yeah, I'm open to the idea of celibacy, but I don't want to be celibate because I can't work up the courage to ask someone out. I may want to do it in the future, though, I haven't discounted that.

inquiry

Want has a way of lessening focus/attention from other relevant thoughts. Yes, the fluid exchange will be good, but so also would be life sans a potentially careless dolt causing extra work and/or heartache and/or misery at least every other step of the way.

starbreaker

Good.

Also, it's the other person's job to decide for themselves whether or not they want to date you? Don't deny them their agency. Alternatively, what have they done for you that you should make their lives easier by sparing them the effort of rejecting you?

shiloh

Yeah, of course she has agency in the decision, it's really her choice, I just have to offer it. I'm trying to remind myself that, barring her murdering me, any reaction she has won't be that big of a deal in the long run.

That last bit is an interesting way to think of the situation too. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but its certainly got my brain going.