Midnight Pub

~inquiry


tetris

I'd be in that last 40% hehe. I had a teacher who used to bully me in maths, call me stupid in front of everyone, was strict about presentation (not one my strong suits), and would rank our seating arrangements by homework grades.

I used to dread his classes, and recall a particular parents-teachers night where he loudly announced to the room that he was putting me down into a lower set and replacing me with another student. My mother and I begged him not to and he relented, but the bullying increased.

The new student turned out to not be better than me, despite being a clear favourite, and he was put back into the lower set. The teacher now realised he'd have to try a different approach to push up the tail end of the class: encouragement.

And.... it worked. Slowly I began to trust that he was on my side, my learning improved, and I was even putting in effort for the presentation. I still wasn't in the top 10, but I was in the top 20 and that was good enough for both me and him.

Before my exams I remember walking side by side with him down an empty corridor and told him I that he should know I was going to get the top grade, and I remember him saying he already knew.

Looking back on that now, I think it was an eye-opening experience for both of us. He wasn't trying to bully me for the sake of bullying, he was genuinely trying to help me using old schoolmaster tactics, but when they failed, he tried a different approach. I still think he was a bit of a cunt, but I do respect him for his efforts.

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inquiry

It's a difficult situation. Kids wind up with a couple elders by biological definition that generally don't even know how to fuck well, let alone bring a new human being to fulfilling maturation, along the way leaning on strangers to do at least 51% of that work in rooms teeming with other similarly neglected time-bombs.

But, hey, no one ever said mass selfishness hypnosis would be easy, right?

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starbreaker

I get that you're probably burned out as a teacher, but as somebody who used to be one of the demonic 10% I'd like you to bear in mind that none of the kids are paid to be there, have a say in whether they go to school at all let alone which school they attend, and if they aren't happy they're expected to just suck it up and deal. The kids that act out do so because nobody bothered to teach them sensible coping methods for dealing with a situation that feels a lot like imprisonment to a kid who's never actually been in prison. They take it out on you because you're handy, and can't reach the people and systems that are the actual cause of their misery.

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inquiry
> I get that you're probably burned out as a teacher, but as
> somebody who used to be one of the demonic 10% I'd like you
> to bear in mind that none of the kids are paid to be there,
> have a say in whether they go to school at all let alone
> which school they attend, and if they aren't happy they're
> expected to just suck it up and deal. The kids that act out
> do so because nobody bothered to teach them sensible coping
> methods for dealing with a situation that feels a lot like
> imprisonment to a kid who's never actually been in prison. They
> take it out on you because you're handy, and can't reach the
> people and systems that are the actual cause of their misery.

I've beared (bore?) (secondary connotations of 'bore' have me hesitant about it) it in mind.

In turn, I need you to bear in mind that I'm 60, I was the recipient of mostly "suck it up and deal" and the absence of being taught 2022 sensible coping methods (I mean, fuck, it was the late 1960s and then 1970s.. which I suspect people your age consider even darker ages than those typically described thusly), and that's what worked for me. Am I a bastion of "self actualization" or whatever the fuck it's called today (oh wait.. it's coming in... three... two... *WOKE* is the term, I believe...)? No. But I provided for people along the way, wound up with damned decent jobs, managed to save, and can literally retired from working any time I want.

So all my actual, "inner data" says "suck it up and deal" combined with the absence of being taught 2022 sensible coping methods *works*, leading to being more than a little empathy challenged. It's kind of weird how even the most insane associations lead to theories that, mentally repeated enough, suddenly become Reality Itself. I... I... I yi yi....

Super rough night and morning, here. I'll likely never return to school again. I'm devastated that I set out to teach and inspire, but instead - though the magic of having to deliver grades - feel as though I've given dozens of mostly innocent kids and mostly vastly unqualified parents (I'm an expert on that subject, having been one myself..) good reason to despise me. It's a vile, hopelessly impossible environment for someone with any sense of compassion for others in times of faster-than-instant judgement.

I'm 5'11", and dropped from 184lbs to 166lbs since attempting this insanely mislabeled profession back in August. And I have a big bowl of ice cream a couple hours after almost every dinner. It's really weird. My wife says stress-induced cortisol abundance affects different bodily systems different ways.

And I can't tell you how badly I want a cigarette! I've maybe eight or so left (Marlboro light menthol "short", FWIW), but having not had one since before COVID somewhat ravaged me at the beginning of the year, I poorly hid the pack (iykwim) thinking maybe it was nicotine racing my system into this weight loss. But, my God, I had a couple glasses of 80 proof whatever last night, and how I managed to not suck one down in what I consider perfect bodily conditions to enjoy one, I'll likely never know.

Like I think I wrote elsewhere, this is quite the magical plane, but easily polluted by thoughts making it seem as though I'm elsewheres and/or elsewhens. I've this gorgeously snow-covered scene out a couple large windows in this "family room" before me, but am somehow consumed by thoughts of ending my participation in the so-called real world over the stupidity of over-valuing the thoughts of kids and their parents.

And I think I could choke to death laughing hysterically over the ridiculousness of expressing such to strangers in a "place" where it'll mostly go ignored, or at least not responded to anywhere nearly quickly enough to match the impatience I've perfect over six decades.

The internet pioneer cum math teacher in me suddenly thinks it's all just so LOL ROFL to the dividing by zero infinity power insanely (and inanely, haha) ridiculous....

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